I am sorry I have not written recently. My life has been very over the last two months, but that does not mean I couldn't have spent an hour to write. For that I am sorry and apologize. I hope this post will make up for the weeks of silence.
Back in August, I went home to California for four weeks to visit my family and friends. It was very busy and filled with many things for me to do. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it very much. I love running from one coffee date to the next, being busy with a social life is something I love. But this trip was not just for visiting people for the sake of visiting, it was also to try and raise more support for my mission work. As I am already back in Quebec, I am hoping to stay for another year until August 2016. So I had to take the time to visit a few churches and give presentations and write letters praying that this will help fund my next year here in Quebec City.
So my time then, and my time since then, has been very trying. I don't know if what I have done will be enough for the next year, I don't know what I will do after this year is over, and I don't know how effective my work here is going to be this year. I am in the process of learning a serious lesson of trust.
Even before my trip home, I was frantically putting my trust and faith in God. As some of you already know, my youngest brother Scott became sick with Malaria during the first week of August. He had spent the last month in Uganda for a missions trip and became sick within two weeks of returning home. He had a very bad case of malaria and was in the ICU for three days and in the hospital for eight days total. I was still here in Quebec and wasn't supposed to come home until the following week. There was nothing I could really do. Except worry.
I tend to worry and get stressed over little things. So when a very large thing happened to my brother, I was kind of a mess. I learned I needed to give my stresses to God. It took a while to completely release my worries, stress and prayers to God, but when I did, a small burden was lifted. I was still very concerned for my brothers health, but I knew that it was in His hands.
Thankfully my brother is better and has fully recovered from the disease. We are so thankful to God for that.
Yet even after that, I still have troubles completely trusting God, or at least letting go of my worries and giving them to God. But I am so thankful for the lessons I have been learning recently about trusting God. I just finished reading the book "Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot. The book is mostly aimed towards relationships, and those wanting a relationship. That is something I have struggled with, but I took many lessons away from the book. But one main lesson that kept reoccurring in the book was the lesson of trust. Trusting God through everything and especially giving our worries and fears to God, "casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7) The book was filled with encouraging lessons on trusting and waiting on the Lord. I highly recommend it for anyone going through those life lessons.
Even the message of a sermon that I did not hear has been gnawing at my heart. I went to a retreat this weekend with the church that I am working for here in Quebec. It was a family retreat for all the churches of this small denomination. I was helping with the kids during the first talk, so I did not hear the message. But people have told me about it since because they all greatly appreciated it. The message was about Jonah, trusting and believing God, and God's grace toward us. The pastor talked about how we can say we trust or believe God, but deep down we really don't, or our actions say otherwise. Jonah said he believed God, but he went West instead of going East to Ninevah like God had told him to. We do the same thing in our lives. We say we trust God to do something for us, but then we worry or try to do it all ourselves to make it go our way and get upset when it doesn't go the way we want it to. Instead of really trusting God, we worry and fret about the details. And then, it is by God's grace that He brings us back to His plan. The storm and the whale represent God's grace to us. It is by God's grace that he brings a large event or something into our lives to bring us back to Him and to truly trusting in Him.
That struck me, and it makes me thankful for the trials God has put in my life. Albeit, it is a little disappointing that this is a repetitive lesson for me. It is an "easier said than done" sort of lesson, but I am still grateful for it.
So as I am already plunging forward into busy days and busy schedules of organizing different events, my prayer is that I will be continually reminded of this lesson and that I will not lose sight of the grace of God toward me. I pray that we will all bring our cares and worries to God.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones."
Proverbs 3:5-8
